smmg | Entries tagged with disabilities

Llyfr Glas Nebo - Manon Steffan Ros
20 Radical Steps to Welsh Independence by First Decolonising Our Minds - Jim Wingate and Jen Llywelyn
Anturiaethau Tintin: Awyren 714 i Sydney - Hergé, trans. Dafydd Jones
Fierce Appetites - Elizabeth Boyle
The Celts: A Very Short Introduction - Barry Cunliffe

I only read five books in 2024, but that's probably more books than I finished in 2023 (I'm not sure if Llyfr Glas Nebo and Fierce Appetites should actually count since I started them in 2023/2022, and didn't read the entirety in 2024).

I don't really do New Year's resolutions, but I definitely want to try and read more this year. I really struggle with reading longer things, like books, because of concentration/comprehension issues caused by my autism and fibromyalgia, and although most of these books are very thin, I still think I did well to read them. My main goals are to read more in Welsh, and to read more of my Celtic studies books (which are mostly in English), and I want to try and read something in Irish. I have the Irish translation of The War of the Worlds which I'm considering, although I've had a flick through and I'm not sure if it would be too hard for me. I also have the Cornish translation, and, although my Cornish is worse than my Irish, I might find it easier to read in Cornish, due to Cornish's similarity to Welsh. Or at least to muddle my way through. I'm also doing a short Breton course in a couple of weeks, so maybe I'll look for something short in Breton to read as well.

Currently I'm mainly worried about all the snow and ice warnings, which might mean I can't travel back to university for my Irish exam next week. And also exams just make me stressed anyway. But at least it's a written exam this time, and not a spoken one which I struggle with a lot more.

Current Mood: worried
Current Location: home
Current Music: 'feel good inc.' cover by postmodern jukebox

I was going to call this "Study Goals" or something similar, but that feels weird since I never think of language-learning as studying, since it's more of a hobby to me. A hobby that I happen to also be doing a degree in, I guess.

In this entry, I talked about trying to finish Basic Irish, Intermediate Welsh, and start on Intermediate Irish by the time I go back to university in September. But I'll be going back in just under a month, and I'm nowhere near completing that goal. I've been unwell for a lot of August because of my disabilities being made worse by the warmer weather. I've done unit 9/25 of Basic Irish, and 3/40 of Intermediate Welsh. I would at least like to make a bigger dent in Basic Irish before I go back, and maybe write up some more Irish and Welsh grammar notes into my revision notebook. I just find it so hard to actually learn language when I'm at home and to get things done, it's much easier in my university house.

I've started a microblog on my website to practise writing in Irish more, but I haven't really done anything for Welsh recently. I spoke it a bit with some people in July when I was practising with my orchestra, but no-one at home speaks it, and I haven't had the energy to do many grammar exercises or to really even watch much. I've spent a lot of time in bed. It's always really frustrating how my health prevents me from really doing anything, and it also acts as a barrier to me learning my heritage languages and to being more connected to my cultures. I haven't done any Cornish in ages either, which is really upsetting.

I suppose my goals before university starts back are:

Do some more units of Basic Irish
Write more on my Irish microblog
Do some more units of Intermediate Welsh
Make some journal entries in Welsh

I have to keep them vague and not set them too high, because I just know from previous experience that my health never allows me to keep to goals I've made.

Current Mood: disappointed
Current Location: home

leaving the uk is something i've considered for a couple of years now bc of transphobia but i just don't know where's better and i'm so scared. i'm eligible for irish citizenship but i didn't think ireland was much better than the uk. i doubt i'd have the money to leave anyway. and if i move outside of the uk and ireland (places where most of my family are) then i'll have to support myself on my own, which is impossible bc of my health. i mean i have some family in canada and the usa, but i know the usa's not great for trans rights, but i think canada might be better?? but it's just so far away and i've only met my family from there like twice.

i've never been outside of the uk and ireland. and what if the place i move to has an increase in transphobia after i move there. and i'd be leaving the celtic nations which feels wrong as a celtic studies student. like my my main special interest is centered around languages from here, and going further into continental europe, which i feel is a more likely destination than canada, would mean i wouldn't get to speak welsh or the other celtic languages and wouldn't be a part of celtic language communities irl anymore (i doubt i'd move to brittany, i have a feeling france isn't great for trans stuff??). and i get really awfully homesick anyway, especially as someone with a complicated relationship to the concepts of "home" and "belonging", and to wales and the 3 places my family are from (cornwall, scotland, and ireland). i don't know how i can just leave that all behind. i feel like i'd be giving up my identity as part of multiple minority cultures and as a speaker of minority languages. it's likely i'd still end up speaking english wherever i go bc it's fucking unavoidable, but i feel like i'd lose so much connection to wales and my family and cultures and heritage. i don't know. i've already grown up disconnected from the culture of where i'm from and the cultures of my family. i don't want to disconnect myself further.

not to mention the disability side of things, it's no good moving somewhere with trans rights if i can't get good help/treatment/benefits for my disabilities.

i was reading articles about english trans people moving abroad, and i don't think they realise how lucky they are in terms of the language side of things. they've obviously had to start learning new languages from the places they've moved to, but there are english speakers all over the world so they're never particularly isolated or disconnected from the english-speaking world.

and tbh you could probably say something similar for speakers of all non-minoritised languages. the issue with welsh is that obviously i would be in a minority speaking it abroad, but it's still very much a minoritised language in the country it's from. i'm not sure that english people realise that - while they still may have some issues with language barriers while living abroad - their language has such a global presence bc of colonialism, and it's not minoritised in the country it's from. obviously i'm not defending colonialism iam just saying that it has made it fairly easy for english-speakers to live pretty much wherever in the world they want without disconnecting and isolating themselves from english-speaking communities. i don't have that as a speaker of minority languages (i suppose there's y wladfa in argentina but i don't know what their trans/disability rights and stuff are like. or there's a gaeltacht in canada somewhere i believe?? but you know what i mean - there are those specific places, it's not like everywhere. and as for cornish and scots i have no idea. i highly doubt cornish has much of a presence at all outside of cornwall/the uk). and it's bc of that colonialism that my family languages are minoritised and that i grew up disconnected from my cultures. maybe i would have an easier time thinking about moving abroad if it wasn't for that. i want to be a part of the revitalisation and continued use of these languages, and i feel like i couldn't do it from so far away.

but then what should i prioritise?? my transness, my being a part of a minority culture(s), or my health as a disabled person?? it seems wherever i live that i can't have all 3. but i don't want to give up any of them. this is so naïve but i just wish the world was a fairer place.

Current Mood: scared
Current Location: university house
Current Music: 'boulevard of broken dreams' by green day

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Supposedly some sort of Celtic Studies blog

Entries tagged with disabilities

Books read in 2024

Language learning check-in #1

Considering emigration whilst being disabled, transgender, Welsh, and from a long line of immigrants

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